Rob Pullar says "Hello" to the Melbourne Comedy Festival

Start at the yellow ticket in the top left and work your way around clockwise.
Watch fifteen shows in five days, at the end of which you'll wish you'd come a week early.

Melbun

The last time I took a fifteen hour coach ride to a city of five million people there was a riot.

No riots... unless you count the comedy festival as a "laugh riot"! Why aren't I in advertising?

The Chinese translates as "post no bill, but charge guaylo price."

Melbourne is a very pretty city. Even the coffees are pretty.

There is a nice Whitlams song with a chorus of:

"In love with this girl

and with her town as well.

Walkin' round the rainy city,

what a pity

there's things to do at home."

Culture Search update1

"...humans also have pubic lice (Pthirus pubis). Pubic lice--a k a crabs--usually spread from person to person through sexual contact. ... And they only live on us. You can't get crabs from any animal."

Oh, yeah?! We'll see about that!



Also, I saw "Keating!" the musical today. It was awesome. The lyrics are some of the smartest I have ever seen and the music is inspired. The cast are obviously having a lot of fun and this powers the show further.
"Keating!" also has the best Howard charicature and most disturbing Downer charicature I have ever seen.
Glorious theatre.

In search of More culture

Even though Yass was a blast of all things dusty and screaming children, I find myself craving more experience.

So I'm off to some town called Melbourne.

The city is apparently named after Dame Nelly Melbourne, a ballerina who invented that powerfully Australian dessert Pavlova.

Dame Nelly then opened a ladies finishing school in Sydney and, with her sister Dame Edna Everage, a rehabilitation clinic in the San An Andas Hills of California.
Dame Betty Ford, the inventor of the production line and Modelty (nudity involving models), purchased the finishing school with the express purpose of getting those girls that failed addicted to drugs so that they would pose nude.
These girls then found their way to the Nelly Melbourne Clinic and into the loving embrace of the staff there for rehabilitation.
It was all very ironic.
Half the girls were subsequently turned into men called Barry and returned to Australia to live in Paddington.


Melbourne is also where cafes were invented.

Loot. Very very small amounts of loot

Ceramic beads. Four of them have llamas depicted on them. Amelie is to beans what Harry is to ceramic beads. I bet you can get these at Glebe markets or something, but these I carried back with my own bare hands.

Anything to declare?

Yes, carved llama bones.

Cool.

Yeah.

They look abit rune-like.

That's what I thought.

No worries, sir, just step into that little room so a stranger can stick their finger up your bum.

Really? Can't I just give you my number or something?

I tried to steal this. I really did. This is in Hong Kong airport. It wasn't called "Coffee lovers" but it should have because I am a naming genius. They have large displays of sculptures throughout the airport. Halifax had stuffed animals including a polar bear, a lemming and a snowy owl.

Yass, Australia

So, what is in Yass?

Well apart from Teenage Pregnancy,

(NOTE: Picture removed by court order and because I had a really goofy expression on my face. Well, you try looking normal when a burly 6'4" half-crazed father kicks in the door of his daughter's room. Anyway, Hi Belinda. I hope the bleeding stops soon.)



There are cars that catch fire,

And firemen who come and put them out.

And there are also...

Rude babies.

The mother thinks this is hilarious, but she'll have her day in court (obviously after mine).

Yass is also the home of a four year old that LordMattresshammer40K has very accurately dubbed "The Wall of Sound".

So, everyone should go today! "Yass: It's on the way to Melbourne."

The bus only costs $46 and takes a paltry six and a half fucking hours! This includes a one hour stop in our nation's capital.

ARGH! Crap. I just remembered that I forgot to take a goddamned photo of the MYass billboard.

Rob Pullar says "Hello" part4

Yass, Australia.
One of the supporters is not saying 'hello' in return.

The End Part 17. The Start part 18.

LadyAwesome exclaimed "Hello!" and gave me a hug.
It was the nicest way I've been woken in years.
I was a bit befuddled by jetlag and sleep, and asked her quite seriously what she was doing in South America.
She politely pointed out that I was in Sydney.

Ah. That explains that.

Can we go back to the hugging bit now?


But what was I doing in Sydney?
Wasn't I meant to be adventurerering around the world?
How did three years become three months?
Well, my plans changed. And I blame a few people for that - and all of them are women, including Fyodor.
But mostly, in the spirit of Southpark, I blame Canada.


Harry's List of Blame

1) Christina. Part of Canadia.What an impressive, ambitious, engaging, young woman. It was nice to be reminded.

2) Colleen. Part of Canadia.

We talked shop. She's spent several years writing a novel, submitting it to agents, rewriting it, resubmitting it etc etc. The road is long with many a winding turn, and you have to be tenacious. There is no alternative. So, my plan to be personally elevated to godhood by some miracle probably won't work.


3) The owner of Cafe Central, Santiago, Chile. A man called Rodrigo (also not a woman).
He followed his dreams, but probably not the one involving being bitten by leopards; the one where you hide a body; or the one where you spend the whole time looking for your keys.


4) Fyodor
Hand waving via email is a suprisingly effective motivational technique.


5) LordMattressHammer


Dude, we have some majorly mighty stuff to do. No, you don't have a choice.


So, does that mean my adventurerering is over?
Hell, no!
It's just changing a bit.
I can't but conclude that I've spent ten years avoiding the five years of failing that would appear to be my destiny.
Well, guess what Destiny? I'm coming to kick your arse. There will be blood. There will be hate. There will be tears. And there will be broken glassware.


Oh, and also I ran out of money.

Following the Bird