Sometimes I look like this. The shirt is ten years old. I have taken it with me on my travels.
And sometimes I look like this. If, say, I'm putting on a performance of my revamped version of 'Fiddler on the Roof' called 'Wanker Upstairs'; or when I'm visiting my capo.
Sometimes, unfortunately, I look like this. This is Lord MattressHammer and I demonstrating how to make the best use of your time on an idle Tuesday. If you want to know: we're being a gormless WW2 GI called Bucktooth Bradley whom we invented during a game of Axis and Allies.
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