Grab bag #1

I realise that websites can serve three main purposes: (1) porn, (2) broadcasting strange messages that you wouldn't tell your readers face-to-face, and (3) self aggrandisment.

I have gone with option (3), and consequently run the obvious risks.
Look, I don't care if you think I'm up myself; I wouldn't self aggrandise if I wasn't so damned good at it.

Yes, I have pretensions. Mostly comedic ones.
But I am under no illusions that this website will change the face of Australian comedy. That's not what I'm about at all.
This website will change the legs of Australian comedy.
Well, the socks really.
Ok, one sock.
This website is the wee willy winkie of Australian comedy.

Speaking of which I am proud to announce that I have taken Puppetry of the Penis to a whole new level. I've changed the face of Australian penis comedy.
I have invented Parquetry of the Penis!

What you do is you bend it in a right-angle, then get a hundred of your mates to do the same, and you can cover a whole stage.
It'd good for audience participation, too. Never know who you might meet.
Or who you might
have your penis
bent around their
penis
of.

So, really that's more the wee willy winkie of wee willy winkie comedy.
Or wee willy winkie squared.
That's just maths.

Yes, I would like to redefine Australian comedy, and I can do that with wikipedia.
Australian comedy (noun): a short wall used for structural purposes.


I have an update on the "Name the gay restuarant at the gay bar" situation.
You will recall that my excellent suggestion of "Mouthfuls" was shot down in flames.
Well, so was my next suggestion.
Which is a shame because the true beauty lay in it's obviousness and simplicity (ie it was art).

The pitch to my boss (whose name is Guy) went thusly:

It's obvious: Sum Yun Guy!
Want something spicy at Mr Marys? Try Sum Yun Guy!
Go to Mr Marys and get hot mouthfuls from Sum Yun Guy.
Look, this joke, like gravity, has stood the test of time.
It even pays homage to our illustrious leader: you!
Now I know it's not a Thai restuarant, but it _used_ to be a Thai restauarnt, and when people assume it's Thai and then see it isn't they'll be in on the joke.
News of this will spread through the gay community like clamidia.
We can have teeshirts that say "Team Sum Yun Guy."
It's hilarious!
Come on, Guy, I'm on a roll!
"Keep on rolling upstairs, mate" replied Guy.

Also at work, D jokingly suggested I should get a job reviewing films.
I agreed with her and told her I was extraordinarily good at writing movie reviews: making them funny and ultimately about me.
Frinstance, I was told that fans of "The West Wing" call themselves 'Wing nuts'.
Does that mean that if you're a fan of "The Basketball diaries", "Titanic", "Blood Diamond" and "The Beach" you are an afficionado DiCaprio?

And if he did win an acting award it would be a DiCaprioscar?

4 segments of lime
sugar
Boyish good looks
muddle
30ml of vodka
30ml of a rum sense of humour


Yes, I am here all week.
Yes, you should try the veal.