Last night I saw The. Best. Movie. Ever.
It was even better than The Scorpion King (The Mummy spin-off that stars The Rock.).
The movie was Death Race, and the trailer shows you the whole plot so you don't even vaguely need to pay attention.
It ticked all the boxes of big dumb A-grade B-grade Hollywood.
Near future. All prisons are private and one of them holds gladiatorial contests. The next stage in this is suped-up cars armoured and armed with guns and missiles, and they race around a track and kill each other. All the drivers are convicted murderers.
Tick, tick, tick.
An ex-NASCAR driver gets framed for a Crime He Didn't Commit
Tick
So he can be the driver in this conspiracy to keep a masked driver…
Tick..
called Frankenstein 'alive'. Frank has actually died in the last race on the operating table. It's the Only Way He Can Win His Freedom
Tick
The cars have navigators
Huh?
Who are absolute BABES
TICK
Who are female murderers.
Ahah! Tick
And then a whole heap of cool shit happens. The good guy is played by English actor Jason Statham (Lock Stock…) and his navigator is this Latino Goddess who I am sure has a name, but for the movie her theme tune so-to-speak was a dance track called "I'm Sexy".
Tick.
The good guys win and get reunited
Tick
$16 well spent. Let's have a beer.
Tick
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Does it have a catchphrase?
DOES IT HAVE A CATCHPHRASE?
Car Wars!
WHAT OBMEISTER 2K SAID!
"Does it have a ctachphrase?"
# No. But it rips off one from Aliens (I think) "I guess he doesn't like the oatmeal either"
And then there was one at the end for no reason "I love this game", but that wasn't really a catchphrase.
Probably the closest was Natalie Menendez' "I'm Sexy" track.
Yes, it is Car Wars. It was funny dividing up the nerds I told about the film into those who knew what CarWars was and those who didn't.
Unfortunately no turrets on the cars (despite the navigators - who do operate the defnces - well they push the button when the driver says so.) - and no HDFOJs!
How can you NOT have a Heavy Duty Flaming Oil Jet?
They have caltrops and oil and smoke.
Oh, I lie! Frankensteins car has a nalpalm flamethrower facing rear - so I guess it is one.
It is a remake of the 1975 "Death Race 2000" which I have never heard of.
Word verification is the esperanto for fake a penis "diledso"
"CarWars" or as Brongor called it "Running Man, Speed Racer, the fugitive and girls gone wild."
the original Death Race 2000 is well worth seeing. It's a race across from coast to coast across the USA, the drivers earn points for road kills made along the way - old people 100 points etc. Sly Stallone plays Machine Joe V-Turbo, David Carridine plays Frankenstein. The cars were great too, they inspired the design of Mad Max...
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