Cairns.

We walked the two blocks to the water's edge. A wide expanse of mud stood between the strip of sand and the open water.
Crabs glistened wetly in their thick coats of chocolate sediment. Come low tide they had emerged from their holes and hollows and spent the hours picking over the mud like scavengers behind a retreating army. The sun flashed off them as they moved.
We continued past the red stemmed and gold stemmed palms, and onto the boardwalk. Small waves slapped the rocks beneath.
Tinnies returned from their open ocean errands and cruisers released their tourists on the marina.

It was here she said goodbye.

The experiment was over. There were no coals to rake through nor angry words to be exchanged. Ending it was a formality devoid of histrionics and pleas for reconsideration.
I wandered to where the waves caressed the sand and with a rhythmic shushing, lulled it to sleep. I sat and stayed until she'd had enough time to pack then made my own way back to the apartment, squinting into the sun.

Pairs of small speckled doves they sell in petshops down south scuttled out of my way. A couple of tiny olive coloured honeyeaters inspected the epiphytes on the fig on the corner. I stopped to watch a gathering of green tailed ants mill undecidedly on the curb, then I went inside.
I sat down with a bottle and one of those glasses that are too small for a swig and too big for a sensible shot, alternately cursing her and mourning her til the bottle was gone.

Then I waited for high tide to take me away.

Rob Pullar... Cairns

Adventurerering Indoors

When a program of Adventurerering outdoors suffers from Can't Be Arsed Syndrome.


Basement Books in the tunnel at Central + $112 = Instant classics collection plus stuff wot looks interesting.

I went to Cairns but forgot to write about it.

But I'll get around to it.
In the meantime I have started kitchen-handing so as to become a short-order chef down the road.

To: Fyodor
From: Harry

Master.
I went to Gould's secondhand bookshop in Newtown and, for $11.90, picked up the Nebula and Hugo awards winning "Ringworld" and it's sequel "The Ringworld Engineers".
I'm ready for the next level of my training.
...
....
...
Hey, since I'm now a split level cook/Scrotum-model do you reckon I should sacrifice Charisma for Fortitude and thereby improve my "resist heat" stat?

Nuts and Islam

I am resuming my previous position, and employment, as a scrotum model.
I'm also doing abdomen.
On the info they emailed me I saw that abdomen requires fasting.

From: harry
To: ASMI

I see that abdomen requires fasting.
How long do I fast?
Am I also required to kill infidels?

Allahu Akbarr.

Harry

Gone Doofing. Near Cessnock

At the end of seventeen kilometres of dirt road was a bush doof: psytrance music and about eighty people exhibiting all stages from whitebread to grotty barefoot dreadlocked ferals.


A feature of the psytrance community is the specific art - often featuring UV paint. Hiphop culture has spray painting with many cartoon elements whereas psytrance culture has geometric and totemic designs.


And bio-organic images that reflects the bio-organic music.
These two pieces were made by Sparksart . Thanks SparklingSara for the info.
Sparksart Gallery


This doof site had about twenty stands of the tallest grass-trees I've encountered. (Shown here to scale with LordMattresshammer40K. LMH40K is about 1/144 of a chain short of two cubits.)



All too soon it was time to drive home.


We drove through one end of the Hunter Valley: picturesque cattle farms below steep forested hills.


But the journey was long, and the partying had been hard, and soon enough Sparkly Sara fell asleep.


And Justin fell asleep.


And LordMattresshammer fell asleep.


And Harry fell asleep.


"ARRGH! HARRY'S ASLEEP?!?!!"

Comedy Honka Honka

Far too many show titles were a pun on the comic's name.
Also, there were about five burlesque shows including Burlesque Idol. Is this normal for the festival or has there been an explosion in interest in burlesque?

Keating! the musical we had to have, I already wrote about. But I'd like to add that the beauty of a good comedy show is to build up to the point where the audience with lovingly forgive some wonderfully horrendous jokes or lyrics. In this case it was in the duet of Gareth Evans and Cheryl Kernot.

Evans: My heart's in peril, Cheryl....

to which Kernot replies: Heavens, Mr Evans...


Jeff Green, England. Pretty standard standup with a few real gems.
Hitting on grannies: "Did you break a hip when you fell from heaven?"

Watching his son being born: "I cried. I was watching my wife's vagina being stretched and I thought 'It's like watching your favourite pub burn down. (sob) Ruined! (sob) I used to love going in there! (sob) It'll never be the same."

Andy Zaltzman, England. Very good topical satire. His material was excellent and eminently quotable.
Energy policy: "The English used catholics as fuel for 400 years. At least catholics are a naturally renewabke resource. Hey, I can make jokes about the catholics - I'm jewish., and we've suffered under catholics so we'll call it even. It's one all. Well, 2-1 if you count us killing Jesus. Not that he wasn't guilty! He was guilty. Not by today's standards, but back then he was clearly guilty. He knew what he was doing."

Iraq: "I'd like to compare Iraq to going to your friend's house and doing a great big shit on the rug. What do you do?
Do you (a) clean up, apologise, and swear it will never happen again?
(b) laugh and leave?
(c) keep on pooing until there's a big pile that eventually, somehow, they'll thank you for, and you can go home?
We seem to be stuck at (c)."

Josie Long, England. Awesome. A wonderful study in whimsy. Unique, refreshing, uplifting and a beautiful show. She is a natural, having started in May last year and winning the Best Newcomer at Edinburgh.
The show was about things she loved, and finding beauty in the everyday. It was like beinbg subject to a personality avalanche.
If you EVER get the chance, see her.
"Sometimes if you want something beautiful to exist you have to make it yourself."

Daniel Kitson, England.
Sublime.

Kent Valentine, Australia. He, with Sam Bowring, set up the Mic-in-hand comedy nights at the Friend-in-hand hotel in Glebe. I've been to about sixteen shows there. He was pretty good, but forcing it a little.
Animal self defense mechanisms: "There's an animal whose self defense mechanism is to shit all over itself so that it tastes foul. So that next time the predator won't try an eat one. What's it called? Um..oh.. It's... Baby! That's it! I'm never eating one of those again."

David O'Doherty, Ireland. Didn't know who he was until he started and I realised I'd heard him on JJJ on my way to the Regrow music festival/doof. Very very very good. Very Irish. Stupid songs and excellent material.

Mark Watson, Wales. This wqas an extra show late at night. He explained that last year he'd also sold-out his shows and thus put on another way due to popular demand. the trouble was that noone bought tickets to it, so it was cancelled due to popular indifference. He was very quick. Excellent improvisation.

The shattered remains of Anthony Morgan, Australia. I remember seeing him on "Denton" back in 1993(?). He's now 46, and is suprised that he's still alive.
On himself: "The only person who shares my birthday is Keith Richards. (makes arms-held-wide 'Explain that' gesture) Neither of us should be alive for the same reasons. I don't think either of us will actually die. After everyone else goes, it'll just be me and Keith walking the earth for ever. The aliens will land and they'll see civilisation destroyed in the background, me, and Keith. And I'll say (gesture at civilisation, then at self and Keith) "Work it out for yourselves! Buggered if I can explain it."

Russell Howard, England. Awesome. Another natural with rapid fire standout material.
On the media getting up in arms about teaching three-year-olds about same sex couples: "Three year olds are interested in two things: lollies and jumping. And if they can fit it into their busy schedules they like to spin around going 'Weeee!'
(as father) Son, sometimes a man has a relationship with another man, and a woman with another woman. Any questions?
(as son) Yes. If jellyfish eat jelly do they blow up?"

Phil Nichol, Canada. Mheh. Trying to be Jack Black. Some funny stuff but he spent the first half over-selling offensiveness. He ended up nude, which I think was the main reason for the comments about it being a show unlike any other. A nice touch was that the three piece metal band that played a song halfway through came back on for the finale also nude.

Stephen K Amos, England. Another latenight extra show. Not as edgy as I'd seen him before, but funny enough.

Rod Quantock, Australia. He explained that his show was at the Swiss Club again because it is neutral. We waited in the bar before the show, so I sat up the back reading near a display of large decorative cow bells. After a while I heard "Book boy! Watch your head", and Quantock rang the bells enthusiastically and then announced it was his impression of Canterbury Cathedral. He started at the back of the audience, grabbing the people who came late to make The Latecomer's Choir. They sang the last verse of Amanda Vanstone's childish patroitic song that is set to Land of Hope and Glory. The rest of the audience pretended to be strings or brass, with three at the back being percussion and two at the very back putting their fingers in their ears and yelling out "That's fucking awful!"
He had an interesting idea that if it looks like Howard will lose his seat he will be "taken ill" to avoid that embarrassment. (Liam Hogan and Fyodor think this is a completely unlikely scenario).

Tom Gleeson, Australia. My favourite Aussie comic. One of the times I saw him at the Friend-in-hand he had the whole audience crying with laughter. Astounding.
He talked about how he went to Iraq and Afghanistan to entertain the troops over New Years.
After one show where he thanked all the American troops for supporting Australia's War on Iraq, he drove an ASLAV in Iraq and fired the gun. And in Afghanistan he was at a base ringed by Taliban controlled hills where the only light at night was the spotlight on him. He was reassured by a soldier that they've never had rocket attacks two nights running, and since there was one last night he should be fine.
Then he played poker with the SAS.
Awesome.
On being worried about our PM being hard of hearing: (as reporter) Are you going to save our parks?
(as Howard) Invade Iraq?! Let's go!

Charlie Pickering, Australia. He was pretty good. Regaling us with the story of his father's ten year prank-contest with his neighbour and best friend.