Toronto Tres

I moved to Rob’s. It's four train stops away from Foy's place on Spadina, making it a good forty minute walk into downtown Toronto. On my first day I cunningly walked in exactly the wrong direction and it took me a while to work it out, but I kept going anyway and did a four hour tour of some fairly boring and some quite unboring parts. I knew I was getting close to Rob’s when I started seeing streetsigns with Greek subscripts, and psychic readers.

Take that, Toronto!

Once he'd finished it, the artist went and poppined a cap in someone's ass.

I stayed at Rob's for four nights and got on quite well with his house mates Lyen and Lisa. And their cats.

To say 'thanks for putting me up' and 'goodbye' I did a dinner party.

It was a success and I was hilarious.

“This may sound a bit arrogant, but I am the most amazing and handsome man in the world!”
Everyone laughed and we all made love for hours.

My flight was cancelled on Friday night, so I turned up back at Rob's 3 hours after leaving asking for shelter again. They were most agreeable.

Upon getting back to Halifax the next night I was greeted by this email:


harry!!

whats ur contact details?

do u have a mob i can call..??

i need to talk tou...

maho

Apparently she’d been involved in a botched kidnap attempt in London, involving disenfranchised muslim youth; militant socialists; and a cadre of revolutionary short order chefs. It all turned out alright in the end, so we’re going to meet up in Buenos Aires as agreed. We will have plenty of time to work on her grammar.

Toronto part2

The shop where you trade in all those kisses and hugs at the end of letters, emails and texts.

28th January. I love Chinatowns. I can't help thinking that they are all connected by mysterious doors ala Howls Moving Castle. And if you know the right person you can walk into any Chinatown in the whole world.

This photo is on Spadina Street. The lines of trees and dressed stone on the tram tracks make it even more Chinese I reckon. I poked around here for a while and had lunch. Then walked back to the frat and gave Chris breakfast: a fortune cookie.

“Good things come in small packages in bed,” he told me from bed in bed.

Toronto around Australia day

I was met by DannyBuddy, television's Chris Foy and their mate Katy at Toronto bus station at 4:30pm on the 25th. I was immediately involved in preparations for that night's 'mixer'.
Foy lives in a frat house, which I didn't know til I turned up. I did know that it was his birthday. And I did know that it was going to be a mini-Marly reunion.
His frat was hosting, and they'd selected four rooms to be National rooms with an appropriate drinking game: Japan, Russia, Mexico and Australia. Foy was the Australia host and we played two-up as a drinking game – the first time I've played it. It was an awesome night. The playlist was Australian and general party stuff such as "All this love" by Similou and 'Let me clear my throat."

Rob, Foy and I made an impressive effort with "I still Call Australia Home". One of the girls asked if that was our national anthem. Then there was a rousing round of Happy Birthday for Foy is now 24. Did I say it was an awesome night? Katy takes a particular delight in calling me Harry Highpants. Australia went off – packed with dancing young things. The rest went off to a club called Tonic, but I rested my old bones on the floor. Rob ended up crashing out downstairs somewhere.

Before the party Chris, Katy and I had dinner a Chinese restaurant. At the end we got fortune cookies and I was about to mention the In Bed Game – where you add “in bed” at the end of your fortune – when Katy said we should play the ‘in bed game’.
See? Chinese culture is universal.

I got “Sometimes it’s hard for you to get going, but you keep yourself on task once you have started in bed.”
Katy smiled at me in bed.
This made me think of her in bed in bed.
In my mind we made love for hours. Then in my mind we got married, but it turned a bit sour after I got sick of Canada and we stood on the knife-edge of divorce. But luckily the aliens invaded and I was able to be the man I was meant to be: my hitherto latent abilities in leadership, courage and stoic nobility, were revealed. We were tearfully reunited, each having thought the other killed in the chaos of intergalactic struggle. I had her at hello. She then had me in the kitchen. Woah, wasn’t I eating Chinese or something?

“Harry? Why do you look like a drunk lizard?”
“Sorry, I was just thinking.”
“Of what?”
“…Nothing”
Oh, those eyes.

The next day was Australia Day and Rob's constant prompted for beer was met with indifference. "All this love" once again started up and interrupted Foy making up a song on the guitar about the girl last night with awesome breasts. He was happy in the remembrance, but then turned to restrained fury when he remembered that he'd dropped his camera in the toilet last night. He'd stormed off while Rob was trying to drunkenly explain travel insurance. Frantic searching in the morning had Foy worried he'd thrown the camera out in a fit of rage.
He found it.
This brought delight to his face.
He kissed the camera.
"Um, that was in the toilet."

We watched some Eddie Izzard standup. Very good. Someone asked what the name was for people who had a fetish for amputees. The internet was consulted.

Foy: "Sex AND the handicapped?! We want sex WITH the handicapped!!"

Happy Australia Day.

I think we left at about 3 for food and stuff. We went to a NewZealand pub and won teeshirts and touks for Australian trivia. We made snow angels on the way back.
There's a bit of tradition amongst my friends to marry Canadians. I choose Katy, and not just because she's great fun and so very, very pretty; but because my last three weeks will be spent in Halifax which is populated by fat lesbians.

Okay, so Foy has Chica Cherry Cola by Savage Garden on this thing.

Please enjoy the below.
I am a photographical genius, managing to exlude most of my head from this one. The girl is Katy. No, I am not touching her inappropriately. And none of us have any idea what song we're singing. My guess is that great Australian classic 'Twist and Shout' by the Beatles.



I have photos of two 19 year of Canadian hotties who look like they are about to make out. Luckily Foy totally hit on one of them, thus avoiding many grey hairs and hairy palms.
Instead of posting it, however, I am showing some 30second snow angels from the Marly.

(l to r) Me, Foy, Rob. Angels, all of us.

Toronto. The Marly Diaspora

Hello chaps,

Hmm.

How about we do something for Australia day?

Possibly not involving being arrested.

Oh, ok, I'll get arrested.

regards Harry
Who got spasmo drunk on his second night in Canadia and spent the third day convalescing in bed and spewing into the toilet. Hoooray!



(l to r) Me, Television's Chris Foy, Big Rob and DannyBuddy.

Danny is a Toronto local who came to Sydney and worked with us at the Marly for about eight months. He became close friends with Television's Chris Foy such that four months ago Foy moved to Toronto to try and break into acting there (and thence the US). Rob left Australia in early December or late November. He was in Vancouver for a while but shifted to Toronto about two weeks ago.

Ottawa the last post

Chris O'Donnell: Holy Korean Matyrs, Batman!

Harry: I'm Batman.

Matt: No, I'm Batman.

And now..... The script of the "The Prestige" by Harry Simpson.

Christian Bale: I'm Batman.

Christian Bale's twin brother: No, I'm Batman.

Christian Bale: I'm Batman!

(Hugh Jackman enters)
Hugh Jackman: I'm Batman.

Both Christian Bales: Shut up, Wolverine! We're Batman!

Ottawa's golden heart

I had to go to this nightclub.

Ottawa, Canada. The choice is obvious.

Do you like Chopin, plumbing and cutlery?

Or are you FOR BATTLE!!?!!

Finally! A country that gives you the option.

All you tofu wearing; tie-dye eating, soap-dodging hippies can turn right here.

I'm going to say "Poo, wally!" to all that and jolly well charge on in and give Jerry the good news. Straight ahead to battle. And straight to glory!

A whole wing of the War Museum is full of artillery pieces from all ages, trucks, apc's and tanks. They have a good comparative display of six Sherman variants. But for some reason a lot (there would be 40vehicles+ and 30 artillery/cannon+ all up) of the pieces didn't have signs. But I was still able to pick what most of them were because I am a nerd. They had a schwim-vagen(sp?) and even one of the remote controlled tracked bombs the germans tried in late 43-44ish. It looks alot like a ww1 english tank butt about 1.5metres long. It was like a remote controlled car with a big red button for "boom" on it.

They had a recovered Valentine tank - one of a batch of 40 that was sent to Russia in 1942. This one broke through ice on a bog and sank. The crew got away but the tank disappeared. It was dug up in 1997 in pretty good nick considering, and given back to the Canadians.

"We drop your tank. It go glug glug."

This whole part of that museum looks a little bit like Topsy's garage, in a way.

Matt: So did Sauron's forge.

In the fully extended version, Sam and Frodo walk into Mount Doom (Doom, I tell you) and immediately trip over four swords, an anvil and parts of seven catapults.