Adventurerering at the Movies

I felt like watching a movie for some pure escapism.
So, I toddled off to Hoyts and grabbed a run sheet. I asked the woman which ones were in English and, after smiling at my "I only speak a little Spanish", she kindly asterisked the ones that were in English.

Hmm. I´d read some good stuff about "Babel".
So, I watched a movie that started in Morrocan subtitled in Spanish. Then it became spoken Spanish and English; then sign language; then Japanese subtitled in Spanish; the written Japanese; then back to Morrocan Arabic.
I had made an excellent choice.

Oh, and that was after finally working out that reason the young lass was refusing to accept my ticket was because my watch was an hour fast. I´m not quite sure how many days it´s been fast, but that would explain some of the cultural differences I´d taken in my stride such as when luchtime starts, and how late shops stay open.

Still, the movies are, like, only A$6.
Totally. I know!
Then I went to the mall and hung out.

My next brave foray into movie land was "Diamante de Sangue" with LEO and thingie from Labrynth who´s extremely easy to watch. I just felt like guns and shit blowing up. And Africa.
I quite liked it. I thought it was good. Solid and I appreciated the ruthlessness of it: moving down both rebels and diamond slaves with helicopter gunships, and LEO taking out brainwashedchild soldiers to rescue a particular one. And of course, everything would be fine in the world if you goddamned chicks didn´t like pretty shiny things. Conflict diamonds!
I tell you, when I propose to my girl I´ll give her a ring with something white on it.
"Is it white gold?"
"No, white man´s burden."
(Partyman gives Whiteman´s Burden to Partywhitegirl.)

Then, today I tried to see a different movie.
"It´s in French" said the guy after giving up on whatever weird language they speak here.
How dare he make the completely accurate assessment that my French would be worse than my Spanish! But that´s what happens when you give education to the third world, I guess. Mea Culpa.

So, I saw "Borat". Sacha Cohen should change his last name to Cahones. My giddy aunt! Awesome breathtaking stuff.

And now the good news, that you already no doubt know.

1) Chow Yun Fat is in Pirates of The Carribean 3. I almost exploded into a cloud of candyfloss, belly button rings, helium balloons and childhood dreams fullfilled when I saw that poster.
If bobble-head had been replaced by Eliza Dushku I would invade Russia in winter to see that film.

2) "300" looks like a music video collided with a PS2 game or, more likely, (as Fyodor has just informed me) it looks like the graphic Novel on which it was based. I think I saw one of the Persian hordes riding a rhinocerous into battle. I ran nude around Centro Santiago afterwards, was arrested, congratulated, and high fived because the entire judicial system here is totally excited about the movie too.

3) "Tirador", which in English means "Sniper" or "Shooter" or something like that. Mark Wahlberg (who I quite like), Snipers, guns, lots of kit and a twisted plot to kill the president and provide the patsy all in one fell swoop. Snipers in a snow field. Yeah. (nods head) (Update: Saw it on the first of May. It got very stupid quite quickly. Then it got positively moronic.)

4) Ok, we saved the Earth by blowing up an asteriod; then we started the molten core again with a nuclear warhead; then we fought off unstoppable aliens. Now it´s time to RESTART THE SUN!
Yes, in the latest "We´re removing Science from the syllabus" production, a superdooper crew are flying a superdooper spaceship to turn the sun back on because it´s stopping for some reason. The movie is called "Sunshine" which in English means "Out of My arse!"
There is only one thing we can do. Dinner party. Get pissed, and then troop off to see it. Just like me and my friends did for "Scorpion King". That movie was AWESOME! This movie is going to make me rip my own arm off and beat myself to death with it. I will become a Grendel and Beowulf gestalt literary being because of "Sunshine": the last story written in the English language.

5) What the fack are you talking about?!

6) YEAAHAHAHAHHEEEAHAHHEEAHHH!!!

7) One of the best trailers for getting the audience pumped that I´ve seen in years. It was the epitome of trailers. You see something shooting in from space to earth. It crashes, but not like an asteroid. It´s a great big metal lump. faces of people looking confused and scared. Flames. Talking heads on TV bringing up to date reports. A military base gets wiped out in the middle east. Tanks go hurtling through the air. More scared faces. A big robot unfolding in a sandstorm. Soldiers running. A Steve Speilberg film. Strangely familiar cars driving fast. Another gun metal giant robot thing. A chopper lands and the controller tells the crew to exit or be fired upon. The pilot´s face digitally updates. the controller says "Oh my god". Then there's a shot on a street where a blue and red thing starts unfolding.
Harry bursts into a formless demonic bubblegum beast ala Akira.
TRANSFORMERS!!!
TRANSFORMERS!!!
IT HAS NEVER BEEN SO COOL TO BE A NERD!

010101000100100010 110001 111000101 10010 1!!!!111!

Santiago, crying

Why am I crying?

Because of the reply to this email I sent LMH:

---------------
I did the Persian decision making process but with a twist

a) straight
b) drunk
c) with diaorreah

Alexander would have been proud.
--------------

Lord Mattress Hammer replies:

(scene)Harry, sitting on gold toilet, surrounded by dusky maidens. His loyal Generals relax nearby on cushions.(/scene)

Harry - Well, I think I have a plan.

Ptolemy - Yes, oh great King.

Seleucus - Tell us, General.

Matt - While you're thinking, here's the wine dude.

H - (explosive farting noise) I think we should go home.

Matt - Sounds sensible to me.

P - But King, we have almost conquered India.

S - And the Persians are still in open rebellion.

H - No, I've pondered this long and hard. (plopping noises)

P - Our armies trample all in their path!

S - The treasures of the world are in our grasp!

H - (finishes sculling wine bottle, stares blearily into the distance, explosive wind eruption) No. Fuck that. Even when I'm pissed it seems like a good idea.

M - (nods sagely, hands Harry large key)

H - What's this?

M - The key to the library. You're going to need it. Don't worry, I'll just tell everyone you burnt it down.

H - (strange sound - like a chainsaw starting underwater) Thanks dude.

Devil Drink Update

Quilmes. "The flavour of Argentina" Brewed in Brazil. Quite a good general purpose beer. Not heavy, but fulfilling.

Cristal. Chilean. Weak as piss. Flavourless and structureless. Avoid.

Escudo. Chilean. A nice darkish lager. Complex flavours. A good dinner lager.

Cenuña. Bolivian. Crisp as, and flavoured like a Japanese beer eg Sapporo. Very refreshing.

Schop. Chilean. An average beer. Not much to write about, but not bad.

Schop Kunstmann Pale Ale. Chilean. A very nice drink. A very good example of a pale ale. (Kunstmann is of course a brewery set up by Germans in Valdivia, about eight hours south of Santiago. A whole bunch of Germans were imported to develop that part of the world in the early 20th century. Schop is another such brewery.)

A random Chilean Sauv Blanc, that I can´t remember the name of, was better than a random New Zealand Sauv blanc. But, then again, I find the NZ ones too strongly flavoured.

Santa Digna, Miguel Torres, Cab Sauv2004 reserva. A beautiful dry cab sauv. A great example of the excellent reds Chile is producing.

Concha y Toro, Casillero del Diablo, Carmenere 2005. I hadn´t even heard of this grape before. It is awesome. It´s like a Cab Franc Merlot, but more rich and complex. It just goes on and on with soft and dry thingies. No, not tissues. I was after that specific grape and didn´t realise that I´d bought a bottle of their Cab Sauv for my Canadian farewell, which was very nice too. The Carmenere was US$12 from a restuarant. I hope we start growing it in Oz.

Walking back from Barrio Bellavista with a bottle of 35 Sur 2001 Cab Sauv for A$7, a young local woman behind me started singing ¨You´re the Voice¨by John Farmham. The wine was really very nice. I drank it, alone in my hotel room whilst reading "Prince of Tides" by Pat Conroy. And do you know why? Because I am a man of culture and breeding. Oh, and because Maho had flown back home.

Bron: What´s your favourite day of the week?
H: I dunno. I´m trying to lose track of which is which. I´ll tell you which one I miss most.

Random Santiago shots

You are uncivilised and uncouth. You are disrespectful towards your elders and are embarrassing to be seen with in public.

Fine. Go then. See if I care. That´s right, back to your boyfriend. Your pololo or novio.

This is one of four stones in a wall on Cerro Saint Lucia (Mount Saint Lucia) that have obviously been painted by the same revolutionaries.

This one says:

"We have the rfiles in our rooms, (something) to me, we write the story of the future."

Number four in the series and the most enigmatic.

No Christianity. Fair enough, true socialists have no religion yadda yadda.

No Nazis. Well,no one likes them, particualrly not socialists.

No whatevers. Some sort of pagan?

None of that, or the rest of them.

No Jews. Well, no one likes THEM.

No capitalism. Obviously.

No Communism. Fair enough.

No TV. I would agree that they should be against game shows, but not TV per se.

NO BANDAIDS!!

Satiago metro, which incidently is an extremely cool bit of publis transport. There are four and a half independant lines that meet at a number of stations. there is a train every three minutes or so. It´s clean, fast and efficient. Oh, and cheap. They have chargable cards that you top up and use about 300pesos per journey.

Glaciers part 2

(Puts on big sunglasses)

Laughing like children
Living like llamas
Rolling like thunder
Under the covers.
(Although, after opening the window and vigorously fanning with my towel Maho came to and I was able to apologise profusely for my indiscretion.)

Today we _walked_ to a glacier. No horses involved except to be seen at long range.
I still threw rocks at them though.

Well, actually Maho was still feeling poorly from some random bug, so she didn´t quite make it to the glacier. This allowed me to explore it in an overtly manly fashion.

This was a different glacier to the horsey one. There was buttloads more vegetation for a start. We started off climbing fairly briskly up onto the ridge. When the ridge levelled off after an hour we were on a high level valley. Birds, birds, bees, wasps, butteflies, many flowers. Also an icecold bog that Maho found all by herself.
There were countless lizards.
"I´ve seen 37 lizards!" exclaimed Maho.
She´s allergic to bees, you know..
"38!"

We got to the lake which had a free campsite and two dead mice. The lake was a fair size and refreshingly cool when I dunked my head into it. I disturbed a bunch of waterboatmen and a shrimplike bug thingy.
Maho found a frog. A short while later we saw another two.
They simply have to be remnant fauna from before the mountains were fully raised. There is no way that waterboatmen, let along frogs, could have crossed the intervening dessert landscape, climbed the scree slopes and then jumped into the lake. The streams are also very swift and steep.

I soldiered on intrepidly, having divy-ed up the water so Maho wouldn´t die on the way back.
The path became less firm, and soil gave way to sharply broken rock. On my left I saw a bridgelike rock carve by wind or water. Then I arrived at the glacier.
It sat there like a fractured plug between two peaks. There was a sloping icefield below it and then a scree slop all the way down to where I was.
I had a second look and discovered the scree slope sat ontop of ice!
There were two tunnels into the ice, one with a small stream flowing from it, the other the main river. I didn´t have a torch but I gamely went into the one that wouldn´t sweep me to my death. I only had to stoop a little.
But then again, I am Batman.

On the way back I was buzzed by black and white humming birds. And then saw a few more species of birds I didn´t encounter on the way up.
I checked out that rock bridge. It was ice too.

I stopped in at the parks office at the start of the trail and had a pretty good conversation in Spanglish with the guide there. He was very enthusiastic and showed me from where the glacier had retreated twenty years before. That explained the isolated ice bridge. We discussed the fauna and compared it to the Australian stuff. It was quite useful knowing some of the Latin names.
All lizards are called íguana´in Chile even if they would be skinks or dragons in Australia.
One looked familiar.
"Varanid." he said.
"Ah! In Australia tengo (we have) muy grande (very big) ones called Goanna."
He knew about goannas. He showed me some other posters when I asked him about the rana we had seen.
"Bufo" he said and pointed at the toad whose name I can´t remember now.

Anyway, it was totally cool, I gave it 9 out of 10.

Back at the Naughty Boys we met a Spanish couple who were doing six months at the University of Santiago. She was hot.
We played cards, spoke Spanglish and drank beer.
I was able to tell Artur to take a torch with him when he went to the glacier the next morning.

Baños Morales is a sleepy town that runs on generators. Even then they only come on for short periods. On the first night Carlo gave us a lighted candle. I eventually got our misshappen door to shut, where upon Maho dropped the candle and extinguished it.

"Carlo! How do you say ´spazmo´in Spanish?"

Baños Morales - Pictures part2

In the last post I mentioned how green the slopes were on the way to the second glacier.
We walked up a very dry slope to reach a ridge populated by lizards and short shrubs. After walking for another hour we reached a lush high valley.
I turned to Maho "Rohan!"
She didn´t get the reference, but my Viggo impression was flawless.

She then went on to find a freezing cold bog all by herself. She´s grimacing in this shot because melt water has just flowed into her shoes. Continuing with the whole Rohan feel there actually were horses pasturing here.

See? More vegetation.

Baños Morales - Photos. yes, Pip, Glaciers

The pretty little mountain village of Baños Morales. Most of the town had shut for the season, so we relocated to Los Chicos Malos. After season, Carlo and Jeanette run this Cabañas and meal stop for the benefit of the calcium carbonate mine across the river. The mine runs 24hours a day with two shifts of fifty men. The mine shuts for five months in winter, when it gets covered by up to nine metres of snow. It is, after all, at the base of some extremely steep and tall peaks. The village got more than three metres of snow last winter. A friendly explosives engineer called Emilio was petitioned by Jeanette to give us a lift back to STGO. We talked quite a lot about mining and life in general on the way back. He was quite happy to practise his English. He good-heartedly complained about being married for four months, and explained how he still raced trailbikes. He has a good friend from Australia who stayed with him last year. The Aussie, whose name I forget, is a trailbiking commando who lives in Sydney.

The main street of Baños Morales. It has a crystal clear stream burbling beside it that meets the main river outside the town.

Mind you, the main street also has a small stream running down it...

The glacier from the horse ride. The lake is brown due to suspended sediment ground out by the glacier. The slopes for the entire ride were as desolate as in this photo - quite in contrast to the abundant vegetation on the slopes on the way to the second glacier.

Dramatic evidence of tectonic deformation: vertical stratigraphy. Many of the refugios in town have a small collection of fossils on display for interest sakes. I also saw four isolated houses on the road in that were advertising fossils for sale. They were mostly amonites or amnomites, but also some bivalves. Anomites?

The white at the bottom of the slope is most of the calcium calcite mine.

Talking to the guide in the office, twenty years ago all this ground was covered by the glacier. You can see the valley floor is a jumble of dropped rock from the melt, with furrows cut by vast volumes of water and, presumably, morains. I took this photo of what I thought was a water carved stone bridge on the way to the glacier. You can make it out by the shadow.

After seeing the glacier I went back to the "stone bridge" and found it was an ice bridge - the last remnant of the glacier´s former glory. This isolated piece would have been about one kilometre from the foot of the glacier. The span is five metres wide.

The second glacier. You can make out the tall ice plug sitting above the sloping icefield. At the bottom right you can make out the two ice tunnels. I went up the left one (you can only just make it out in this shot). You can see why I was surprised to find that all that rock was sitting on ice.

The ice tunnel under the glacier. The whole inside was scalloped as in the photo of the isolated bridge. The floor is dropped stone. You can make out the small stream. Where I´m standing the tunnel is about five foot six, but I have no idea how long the tunnel is navigable. The Morales of the story (!): bring a torch when you visit glaciers.