Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Santiago, crying

Why am I crying?

Because of the reply to this email I sent LMH:

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I did the Persian decision making process but with a twist

a) straight
b) drunk
c) with diaorreah

Alexander would have been proud.
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Lord Mattress Hammer replies:

(scene)Harry, sitting on gold toilet, surrounded by dusky maidens. His loyal Generals relax nearby on cushions.(/scene)

Harry - Well, I think I have a plan.

Ptolemy - Yes, oh great King.

Seleucus - Tell us, General.

Matt - While you're thinking, here's the wine dude.

H - (explosive farting noise) I think we should go home.

Matt - Sounds sensible to me.

P - But King, we have almost conquered India.

S - And the Persians are still in open rebellion.

H - No, I've pondered this long and hard. (plopping noises)

P - Our armies trample all in their path!

S - The treasures of the world are in our grasp!

H - (finishes sculling wine bottle, stares blearily into the distance, explosive wind eruption) No. Fuck that. Even when I'm pissed it seems like a good idea.

M - (nods sagely, hands Harry large key)

H - What's this?

M - The key to the library. You're going to need it. Don't worry, I'll just tell everyone you burnt it down.

H - (strange sound - like a chainsaw starting underwater) Thanks dude.

4 comments:

Pippilicious said...

Zhang!

Fyodor said...

What Pipsqueak said.

Alexander wept because he had no more worlds to conquer. Harry wept because his arse was raw. Not sure who to call on the girlyness stakes, but I'm guessing it's Harry.

Destructomeg said...

Fyodor, hmm was Alexander or Hephaestion the warrior?

Fyodor said...

Um, they both were, Megatron, but I take it you mean to ask which of those fellows was "leading" the chocolate cha-cha?

If so, the answer is probably neither.