Dear Mike [father of LordMattressHammer],
I am buying you a new car.
I wrote off your old one.
I am very sorry, but at 4:05pm today I ended up upside down just off the Wakehurst Parkway.
It is (and I think you'll agree with me) ....hilarious.
I texted Matt [LordMattressHammer] who replied by asking what the fluffy dice rolled.
I said a seven.
He claimed that he was now routed and had left the table.
At this point he thought I was joking, but this evening at 10:30pm with four Oporto burgers in hand he sobered up instantly.
I was completely uninjured, and retract my horrible slur against your car when I told my Aunt that it was "waffer theen".
PS Your brakes grab a little to the left. You might want to get that checked out.
PPS Matt jokingly suggested I give him a lift tomorrow to his meeting in Lidcombe.
He mimed typing "Dear Heather [mother of LordMattressHammer], You'll never guess what happened..."