Monday, August 20, 2007

Saving the World Part 2

In realising my destiny to save the world by butchering reclusive academic types I have been inspired by many other heroes, not the least of whom are the newest batch of heroes: the heroes of 'Heroes'.

And not the least of whom is the cheerleader.

Now, I know what many of you have instantly and erroneously assumed.

Yes, she is a gorgeous young beauty in the full bloom of womanly fecundity, but what stirs within me is not base rutting instinct but the desire to protect her from all harm. Yes, I know she's indestructable and I'm not, and that I wouldn't actually...

Look, to use a grossly insufficient metaphor, she is the new tightly-curled rose bud; I am the attentive gardener; and all other men are aphids.

She is a rose, or a perfect sunset, or a baby deer - and, as I have stated before, I have never had sex with a deer.

It is therefore my sworn duty to ensure she is free of all lustful advances and dies a virgin.

That is unless she wants to be double-teamed by the Veronicas with strap-ons.

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