Lord Matresshammer (Sage, Friend and Recipient of the 2006 'Most Dubious Reasoning' Award) told me about some monks.
These monks devote their lives to discovering what God's real name is.
Surely if the good lord has kept this hidden from us, then it's for a good reason. And that reason turns out to be if anyone finds out his name it will undo the whole of creation. Yep, destroy the entire universe. The whole kit and kaboodle like some all-powerful Rumplestiltskin.
Yet, in his infinite wisdom, at some point he _wants_ his name to be known because it's all part of the divine plan.
I know it sounds stupid. That's because it IS stupid.
These monks spend their days working their way through all the permutations of the thirteen letters that make up God's real name, pause to see if they feel creation ending, then try another.
But this does make me think.
What if God's real name is "I am homosexual"?
Or "Jews were right"?
An Evil Toaster?
Or (and Ive been saying this for years) Michael Bolton?
Monk: I feel a bit stupid, but how about "ZowZhangKapow!"?
God: You guessed it!!! You win the end of everything. Congratulations!
Look, these monks HAVE to be stopped.
Monks are supposed to devote their time to reflection, piety, good works and becoming astondingly good swordsmen.
What is the point of a bunch of monks whose only job is to undo creation?!
There are only two things we can do:
1) Ask God to change his name to a squiggle like Prince did. (Unlikely)
2) Hunt down and kill these monks. (Potentially hilarious)
So, I'm off to slaughter some holy men.
My name's Harry.
And I'm going to save the world.